Restoring Confidence

21Feb09

I suppose it happens to the best of us… our spirits get broken when we hit one too many walls in our lives.  As much as I resist emotional and moral defeat, over the last few weeks my personal problems have become a distraction to my work in the lab.  I’ve made the most asinine mistakes and eventually I broke down in tears one day.  That’s no good.  That’s not me!  I feel like I’m finally starting to get a handle on myself and regaining focus, though.  It just takes some conscious thought and some personal reassurance.  I’ve had a great week so far and it finally seems I’m getting certain aspects of my life under control.  It’s a great feeling to not live under the burden of chaos.  I’m being proactive by being self-aware and planning ahead in order to avoid petty mistakes.

On a related note, karma is a bitch!  I am by no means a vindictive person but I have to admit it’s satisfying when karma makes its round.  My oaf of a lab partner had the audacity to inspect that I measured out 40 mL correctly.  WTF?  My previous mistakes were by no means a sign of incompetence but rather a sign of my lack of focus.  This buffoon got on his high horse because I fucked up a couple times.  He generally does things correctly but after his scrutinizing my measuring skills, he screwed up twice within an hour.  Ha!  I love it….  I don’t know why but this guy enrages me sometimes and no one else ever comes even close to doing that except for my children’s father and he actually has good reason to piss me off.  Hmmm…  Oh well.  I take a deep breath when I feel my face begin to flush and I keep calm.  He’s not worth the trouble.  It baffles me why he provokes such a response from me.  I get along with 98% of the people I meet and that’s no lie.  Some more than others, but this guy puts me through the roof sometimes.  Wait, I know… maybe it’s because he’s a cocky bastard.  Yeah… that’s it…

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