I Don’t Get This Dude.

27Mar09

I need some insight into the psychology behind really outwardly, masculine, chauvinistic men.  The lab partner of mine that apparently thinks he is entitled and knows it all (although really, the title should be mine according to the NPI… well, not the entitlement part, actually…) takes the time to bring two servings of lunch with an extra fork and water bottle ocassionally because he knows I often skip lunch, either because I forget or don’t have time to pack it.  He also made mention today of the fact that I’m wearing a new perfume.  What a sick freak… ha ha ha. It just boggles my mind.  I guess it’s the caveman mentality.  “Here, let me club you and drag you by the hair to my cave because I like you.” Hmmm. It’s intriguing to say the least.  I’m really into psychology and social interactions between different types of people but I must say that this is the most polar yet magnetic relationship I’ve ever experienced. Being the egomaniac that I supposedly am, I enjoy the positive attention he gives me but being somewhat authoritative I really could care less to have him expressing doubt or trying to exert his control over what I do around the lab. I don’t succumb to that kind of bullshit.  I am not his subordinate.

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4 Responses to “I Don’t Get This Dude.”

  1. 1 InkRose

    I started writing a comment in a different tone, but in writing the question I thought I had, the answer dawned on me and was confirmed with a re-read. Nevermind that, then.

    I don’t know what it is, but I seem to find a good deal in common with your lab partner, too, even if it’s only based on what you’ve written. I’ve been that guy myself, fairly confident I know what needs to be done, and often unable to keep myself from putting my nose in other other people’s business. In my case, I mostly irked the living hell out of a male classmate of mine (there was something of a self-confidence thing for me there as well, as he was academically more accomplished than me but I was quicker on the uptake), and it took a proper, reasonable confrontation to really drive home the extent to which my behavior annoyed him, despite the fact he admittedly knew I only (well, mostly) meant to be helpful. I did the same thing to everyone, except senior students, until I was made more aware of how annoying it is. I still do it, mind you, but I can at least keep the smug quips to myself most of the time.

    I’m not sure anymore I really had a point in there somewhere, but I get the feeling maybe he thinks there’s more friendliness between you than there really is, and therefore feels he can comment if he notices a new perfume (or nice shoes, new outfit, or whatever). Also, it may be an (unsuccessful) attempt to stay in your good books, if he feels threatened – an attempt to bring in a bit more camaraderie and a sense fellowship if he feels it’s missing. Or that’s what it would be if he were me. Which he isn’t.

    I guess what I’m trying to say with all this rambling babble is that maybe you should confront him. Preferably in an informal setting outside the lab if at all tolerable to you, so as to make sure he knows it’s more personal than business, and explain to him what it is that really gets your goat and why. Although we arguably have evolved a bit since the good old days in the cave, we men are nowhere near as socially smart as we need to be. And sometimes we need to be told at length, with small words and lots of pictures, what we’re doing wrong and what we need to do to get it right.

    • 2 extrovertscientist

      I hadn’t thought about it that way… that maybe that’s his way of easing tension. I think I’ll ask him. I’m a pretty straightforward person and he is, too, so I think he can handle it. It’s just funny to me. It’s nice to have a different perspective, though. Thanks!

      • 3 InkRose

        I think most guys are told again and again to be nice to the ladies, compliment them etc. (ESPECIALLY if you notice they smell different (they smell nice no matter what you think your nose tells you 😉 ) or you notice nice shoes or whatever) if we want to stay on their good side. I know I was. And of course this is reinforced in most things you see on TV and in movies. So we assume that the best/right/only way to ease tensions between ourselves and women around us is to do little favours and pay compliments to them. Cos that’s what we’re told much of the time.

  2. 4 whysharksmatter

    This sounds like a VERY similar situation to a sexual harassment training scenario we just had to act out in my “welcome to grad school” seminar…


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